i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
