walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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