How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
