I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
