btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
