My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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