I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
