maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
