i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
