You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
