you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I understand Curling. That high.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
