For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
