I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My pussy is not your playground.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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