We're like a lot better than the average bears
Will you blow on my dice?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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