"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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