dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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