I seem to have left my pride at pride
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
