He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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