he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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