is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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