can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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