I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
