We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
