I wish my penis had an off switch
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
