Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
