I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
