Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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