im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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