I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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