why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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