hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
