just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
