Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
