Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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