I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
