i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
