Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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