Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
