just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
