About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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