If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
