Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
