you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
