People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
