Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
