we made out on top of his cat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
