I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My Higher Power is John Stamos
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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