My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
