Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Barsexuality is the new black.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
