Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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