Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I could fuck to npr.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
