I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need a beard to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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