She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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