Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
