I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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