I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
