She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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