we have pet lesbian snakes
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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