i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
