If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
