we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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