i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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