We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
