you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
