what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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