Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
