Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
