so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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