Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
