You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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