They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
