Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
